This is a chain pastiche the Hounds of the Internet wrote a couple of years ago. It is incomplete, and I have made minor grammar and spelling corrections to improve the flow. Behold, the great unfinished masterpiece...

--Foxhound

The Case of The Roman Numerals: Part I

An electronic chain-pastiche
by The Hounds of The Internet
1994

This portion written by Percy Trevelyan

It was in the third week of December, 1895, some three weeks after the conclusion of the Bruce Partington Plans, that Sherlock Holmes received a telegram that would nearly change the course of British history. We had returned from the theater, and were sitting down to dinner, when Mrs. Hudson handed a telegram to Holmes.

"My dear Mrs. Hudson, when and who delivered this message?"

"It was shortly after you and Dr. Watson left, Mr. Holmes, and it was Peterson, the commissionaire, who delivered it."

"Please send for him, if you would be so kind, Mrs. Hudson."

"May I see the telegram, Holmes?" I asked.

"Forgive me, old fellow, of course you may read it, and pray, tell me what you think."

I read the message and returned it to Holmes, saying, "I cannot make heads or tails of this telegram, Holmes. What does it mean?"

"At this time, Watson, I cannot say. I must study it carefully and see if I can deduce the meaning of the message." The message read as follows:

9 18 95 61 33 34 43 49 33 66

Soon, there was a knock at the door, and Mrs. Hudson admitted Peterson, the commissionaire.

"Good evening, Mr. Holmes, what may I do for you and Dr. Watson this fine evening?"

"My dear Peterson, sit down. Tell me who gave you this telegram to deliver to me."

"I don't rightly know, Mr. Holmes. It was waiting for me to deliver it when I arrived at the Commissionaire Office this evening."

"From which telegraph office did this note come, Peterson?"

"I believe it came from the Newgate Street office, Mr. Holmes."

"There was no indication of where the telegram originated?"

"No sir, Mr. Holmes, none whatsoever."

"Thank you, Peterson."

Holmes sat down at his desk, wrote a short note and gave it to Peterson saying, "Please post this message in all of the local papers, Peterson, if you would be so kind."

"Which papers, Mr. Holmes?"

"Oh, in the Globe, Star, Pall Mall, and any others you can think of, Peterson. Thank you again."

"What did the note say, Holmes?"

"It said, 'RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE, AWAIT MORE, HOLMES.' Now we wait. In the meantime, Watson, I believe that we should retire and start afresh on this cryptic message in the morning. Good night, old fellow."

When I awoke in the morning, it was evident that Holmes had been up all night working on the message.

"My dear Holmes, have you been up all night?"

"So it would seem Watson, but I feel that my powers are deserting me, because I still have not solved the puzzle."

"Come, Holmes, sit down and let us ring Mrs. Hudson for our breakfast. Perhaps some nourishment will help us."

"You go ahead and eat, Watson. I must go out for a short time and see if I can determine where the note originated. It may help shed some light on this mystery. Watson, would you be so kind as to get out the chalkboard and write down the numbers in sequence? I shall return shortly."

It was sometime later that Holmes returned to our rooms.

"What did you learn at the telegraph office, Holmes?"

"The telegraph originated in Liechtenstein, Watson, but the sender asked to remain anonymous."

"I did as you asked, Holmes. Here is the message in its proper sequence."

Holmes immediately started to work on the message. "Watson, look at this," Holmes remarked. "I do believe that there is some light at the end of this tunnel. Each of the numbers appears to be too large to be just one letter or two. Please, Watson, do not disturb me for an hour or so, I need complete silence."

I went into my room to work on my recollections of The Bruce Partington Plans, while they were still fresh in my mind.

Suddenly, Holmes burst into my room and said, "Watson, I believe I have figured out what each of the numbers means. Each number seems to be a word. The key to this problem is to obtain the right letters by determining the proper total from the numbers which correspond to the alphabet. It should only take a few hours or so to decipher the code."

"Holmes," I said, "I believe I should check the papers to which we had Peterson send messages, and see if we have had any responses."

"No, Watson, Peterson will come to us. I do not think it would be of any value to have you go."

"Really, Holmes, I think that I could do more than just wait in my rooms."

"My dear fellow, I did not mean to imply that you would be of no value to me; rather, I think that your assistance here would be of immeasurable value to me. Let us look at the message again, Watson."

After a moment he said, "Watson, look at the first number. A 9 can only be a few words. We can rule out all of the letters after 'I', because their total would be greater than 9."

We studied the remaining 9 letters of the alphabet for some time and I felt that we would never reveal the hidden message. "Holmes," I said, "this is baffling, I just can't figure it out."

"On the contrary, Watson, you see, but you do not see all. Let us look further at the remaining letters and their numerical value. I believe that the first word must be 'I.'"

"But how did you reason that, Holmes?" "Remember what I have always told you Watson. When you eliminate the possible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. No other total makes any sense. I cannot believe that the first word is 'HA,' which would be 9, because the total of the number for 'H' and 'A' would be 9. No other combinations make any logical sense. Let us continue and see what we can uncover about the remainder of the message."

We worked for the rest of the day, stopping only long enough for a light lunch and late supper. Around midnight, Holmes was able to uncover the second word, whose total numeric value was 18. Again, Holmes eliminated all of the letters of the alphabet whose totals were greater than 18, and through a process of elimination deduced that the second word was "can."

"Well, Watson, so far we have 'I can,' but there are still eight more words to uncover and they will be more difficult because the total of their numeric value is so great."

While I waited for Holmes to begin working on the third word, I fell asleep, and when I awoke it was barely light outside. Holmes was asleep, draped over the table.

"Holmes, my dear fellow, wake up, its nearly 6:00 a.m."

"Thank you, Watson, I've really begun to think that my powers have failed me. I have yet to decipher the third word. Would you be so kind as to go and ring for Mrs. Hudson? I believe that some breakfast and very strong coffee would greatly aid my quest."

"Holmes," I said, "what you really need is sleep. What time did you fall asleep?"

"I'm not quite sure, Watson, but I believe it was around 4:30 or so. I just need a few more hours, and I believe that I will have it."

A few minutes later, Mrs. Hudson came in with a scrumptious breakfast of kippers, toast, eggs, and the strongest coffee I had tasted since the Afghan campaign. She was soon followed by Peterson, who had a copy of the Pall Mall with him.

"There's a message for you, Mr. Holmes, in the personals."

Holmes looked at the paper, gave it to me, and said, "please read it aloud, Watson."

"Holmes, got your message, 9 53 85 35 54 73 13."

"Holmes, this is intolerable, what is this folly?"

"Thank you, Peterson. If any more come, please bring them here at once. It is not folly, Watson. I believe this is very serious. Mrs. Hudson, you have outdone yourself; this is a breakfast fit for a king. Come, Watson, let us eat."

I began reading the paper, and said to Holmes, "you know, old fellow, sometimes trying to remember what each roman numeral means in real numbers, is quite exasperating. Just look at this number in the article about the Royal family."

"Watson, you have done it, you have given me what I need to decipher the messages."

He went over to the blackboard, wrote out the alphabet, and under each letter, he put the corresponding number in roman numerals.

"Watson," he said as he pulled the blackboard in front of his chair, "please remain quiet while I work on this first message."

He worked diligently for some time and at last said, "Watson, I believe I have deciphered the message."

As he read it, his knuckles turned white and his skin became translucent.

"My dear fellow, whatever is the matter?" I asked.

"Read this, Watson," was all he said.

The message read, "I can promise you the one, but not the other."

"No, Holmes, it cannot be. Moriarty is dead, dead these past four years or more."

"That is what I have always believed, Watson, but I cannot explain this message, nor at the present time can I explain who sent it, or for what purpose."

Holmes then set to work on the second message, which had been delivered by Peterson earlier. The second message read, "I look forward to our meeting, M."

"Watson, we must go to the telegraph office and see where this second message originated. Hurry, we haven't a moment to lose."

Within seconds, we were in front of our lodgings at Baker Street and were headed toward the telegraph office on Newgate Street.

Upon our arrival at Newgate Street, Holmes set about questioning the staff of the telegraph office, but we learned very little. As we were leaving, the telegraph starting clicking and the man at the desk said, "Mr. Holmes, another message coming in for you."

"From where?"

"It is coming from Zurich, Mr. Holmes."

The clerk handed the telegraph to Holmes, who read it and gave it to me to read. The telegram said, "28 43 63 72."

"Holmes," I said, "if this telegram came from Moriarty in Zurich, then how do you explain that your advertisement in the paper was answered by the response in the evening paper?"

"It would seem, Watson, that whoever this is has some confederates, either here in London or on the continent. Come, we can learn no more here. I believe a trip to Scotland Yard, and a visit with Inspector Lestrade, may help us in our quest for Moriarty, or whoever is doing this."

A short time later, we entered Scotland Yard and went directly to Lestrade's office. "Well, upon my soul, Mr. Sherlock Holmes, and Doctor Watson. To what do I owe the honor of this visit?"

"Why, Inspector Lestrade, Watson and I simply wanted to bend your ear over what evil and illegal deeds are happening in our fair city."

"Mr. Holmes, I've known you long enough to recognize when you are on a case and need to know a thing or two."

"Well done, Lestrade. Indeed, I need some information from you, and I am quite willing to share with you all that I know, for I genuinely believe that something quite horrific is about to occur in our beloved city."

Holmes showed Lestrade all of the messages that he had received over the last few days.

"Mr. Holmes, I can't believe that Professor Moriarty is alive. But if he is, you are correct that we may be in for a series of crimes, which we have not seen in some four years."

"Lestrade, have there been any strange or peculiar crimes which have come to your attention lately?"

"No, I don't believe so - no, wait. There was an odd one which occurred overnight, Mr. Holmes. It seems that some statuary from different theatres has been snatched the last few weeks."

"What type of statuary, Lestrade?"

"We're not sure, Mr. Holmes; the inventory has yet to come to us."

"Well, then, Lestrade, from what theatres were they taken?"

"Well, let's see; from the Lyceum Theatre, the Princess Theatre, and also from the South London Palace of Amusements."

"A strange combination, Holmes," I said, "What possible value or reason could someone have for performing these bizarre thefts?" "I cannot say, Watson. We must visit each theatre and see what we can learn there. Thank you, Lestrade, we shall be in touch as soon as we learn something. In the meantime, please keep us informed if anything else occurs. Good day, Lestrade."

"Goodbye, Mr. Holmes, Doctor Watson; I will indeed." We learned nothing of great importance at any of the theatres, mainly because they had yet to determine what was missing. This only infuriated Holmes, who remarked, "Watson, I sometimes wonder how man has progressed. These people are idiots, who cannot remember simple details. One wonders how the shows at these theatres ever start on time and how the correct sets are on stage for the correct act."

"My dear fellow, we will discover what is going on, of that I have no doubt at all."

"Watson, you are like an anchor to me. You keep me going when I feel that my powers are waning, and are always of great value and great help to me. Watson, would you be so kind as to visit Peterson, and see what fresh news he has for us? I must run some errands and will meet you back at Baker Street in one hour's time."

Peterson had no news for me; in fact, things had been very quiet for him. When I returned to Baker Street, Holmes was not there. I went upstairs to take a late supper, when there was a knock on the door. As I opened it, a man fell into my arms, with a knife sticking out of his back. As he died, he tried to tell me something. All I could make out was, "Holmes," what sounded like "Mik", and then he died.

I rang for Mrs. Hudson, and instructed her to send for Scotland Yard and Inspector Lestrade.

"I must try to use Holmes' methods and see if I can determine who this fellow is, and what he wanted with Holmes."

From his wallet, I discovered that his name was Jonathan Belmont and that he lived on Hampton Street, not too far from the South London Palace of Amusements. Suddenly, Holmes came in looking somewhat discouraged and very tired indeed.

"Well, Watson, it would seem that you have had a more interesting time than have I."

"I think that I have indeed had a more interesting time. Holmes, meet the late Mr. Jonathan Belmont of Hampton Street. I have marked on the map, Holmes, that Hampton Street is very near the South London Palace of Amusements."

"Well done, Watson, you have earned your shilling today. I assume that you have sent for Lestrade and he will be joining us soon."

"I am already here, Mr. Holmes," said Lestrade as he entered our rooms.

"Well now, Mr. Holmes," began Lestrade, "what the devil is going on here --" He stopped in mid-sentence and glanced at the dead man. "My God, its Jonathan Belmont."

"Do you know him, Lestrade?"

"Indeed I do, Mr. Holmes, and so should you. Mr. Jonathan Belmont was a police informant, whose help some four years ago was critical in the breaking up of Professor Moriarty's band of cutthroats."

"Of course, Lestrade," said Holmes. "This does not bode well for us all, for it would seem that, indeed, Professor James Moriarty may have returned from the dead, and is now planning some great enterprise. One can only speculate at its size or what is involved."

"Holmes," I said, "Mr. Jonathan Belmont muttered two words that I could make out before he died."

"What were they, Watson?"

"The first was 'Holmes,' and the second which he uttered with his dying breath sounded like 'Mik,' or possibly 'Rik,' or some such thing. I'm afraid that is all I could make out."

"Well done, Watson. I believe that our next step must be to examine the dwelling place of the late Mr. Jonathan Belmont and see if it can shed any light on our quest of Moriarty and of the thefts of the statuary from the theatres, one of which is the South London Palace of Amusements."

End of Part I


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