Those of you who enjoy a small giggle with their Holmes, pray read on. Those of you who do not, please move on to the next posting.

The following describes what would happen in the if there had been voice mail when Moriarty ran his crime "business":

You have reached Web Warehouse Associates. Our phone lines are open 24 hours a day.

• If you know the extension you wish to reach, you may press it NOW.
• If you wish assistance with a mathematical puzzle, please press 1 NOW.
• If you wish to speak with someone in Colonel Moran's department, press 2 NOW
• If you do not know whether to press 1 or 2, or if you do not have a touchtone phone, you will be unable to reach anyone at Web Warehouse.

You have reached Colonel Moran's department. If you know your extension, please press it NOW. If not, please listen to the following list of departments:

• If you have a paper to be abstracted, please press 1 NOW.
• If you wish a house rifled, please press 2 NOW.
• If there is a man to be removed, please press 3 NOW.
• If you want a forgery perpetrated, please press 4 NOW.
• If you need a robbery committed, please press 5 NOW.
• If a murder is necessary, please press 6 NOW.
• Regarding procurement of airguns, please press 7 NOW.
• To inquire about other illicit matters, please press 8 NOW.
• To hear these choices again, please press 9 NOW.