Also Published in condensed form in The Accursed Jezail Bullet, the official publication of The Salon Pistols of Gainesville Florida (Issue 2, June, 1996).

Dear Fellow Members of the Pleasant Places of Florida:

The attached is a post that was sent via e-mail to the members of the Hounds of the Internet regarding the discussion surrounding the adventure known to the world as "The Greek Interpreter." I hope that you enjoy it.

To the Hounds of the Internet

My dear fellow Hounds,

I have been following, with a great deal of interest, the discussion regarding the inconsistencies in "The Greek Interpreter." First of all, you must understand that this account by Dr. Watson is an entirely concocted tale designed to hide the true facts surrounding the secret espionage activities of Mr. Sherlock Holmes and his mysterious brother Mycroft. Although I have many secret materials at my disposal, I am unable to reveal them since they were entrusted to me by a descendant of the good Dr. Watson. As a gentleman, I must guard them very carefully lest they fall into evil hands. Thus, I must be content to limit my discussion to those materials that are generally known to the world due to the courtesy of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, MD, noted author and literary agent, and the biographer of this series of reports that we now revere as the Canon, John H. Watson, MD.

Let us first turn our attention to the chain of events that led to the surfacing of this fictional story. Several months after the events in question, there appeared an item in a newspaper in Buda-Pesth concerning "how two Englishmen who had been traveling with a woman had met with a tragic end. They had been stabbed, it seems, and the Hungarian police were of opinion that they had quarreled and had inflicted mortal injuries upon each other." Although seemingly unrelated to any activities in Great Britain, those in the diplomatic and espionage inner circles began to compare notes and to put two and two together. The party out of power, seeing an opportunity to expose secret illegal government machinations on foreign soil, threatened an investigation into possible assassinations by government agencies. People were beginning to find secret memoranda. Leaks to the press were revealed. A Mr. Milverton was threatening to blackmail the Prime Minister himself. Several Greek names appeared to be associated with the case, including a Mr. Melas and a Mr. Kratides. Mr. Mycroft Holmes, later known merely as "M" was perplexed. People must not find out the true identity of Mr. Melas, and his association with the British secret service as a valuable counter spy. Thus, a story was cooked up between the brothers Holmes, and the Biographer was persuaded to issue, five years after the fact, the adventure that we have been discussing this week. The story needed to be consistent with the few facts that were known to those outside of the inner circle, on one hand, and interesting enough to be published, widely read, and believed, on the other.

Now let us investigate several pieces of information to help support these contentions. In the first place, there are several aspects of the story that do not make sense. If Mr. Melas was as much of a coward as depicted in the carriage scene, when he was first taken away to perform as an interpreter for the villains, how did he have the courage to hoodwink the dangerous criminals with his secret conversation with Mr. Kratides (not his real name of course), that very same evening? Further, why did Mycroft Holmes, a highly intelligent man, later set it up so that these criminals (really traitors to the crown for a nation whose identity cannot be revealed) would feel obligated to kidnap and attempt to assassinate Mr. Melas, and why indeed did he allow himself to be a sitting duck? Why, because he wanted to get back into the house, spy on these traitors, attempt to free his compatriot Mr. Kratides, and get the goods on the scoundrels. Since Mr. Melas did not know where he had been taken previously, this was his only recourse to divine the location of the enemies' hideout and secret headquarters. It was unfortunate for Mr. Melas and more unfortunate for Mr. Kratides that the brothers Holmes arrived too late to follow his carriage, as had been the original intention. Since the traitors had made good their escape, the only way that they could be eliminated and the secrets that they carried with them retrieved was for the female agent, another Greek-born British patriot, to accompany them on their escape, and assist in their demise. Doesn't this true account make more sense than the fictional account that Dr. Watson was required, against his will but as a true patriot, to concoct to protect Her Majesty the Queen and Her loyal government?

Several other pieces of publicly available evidence support my claim that Mr. Sherlock Holmes was truly a secret agent for the British government for many years. These have been presented by several investigators, even those without the true facts at hand. For a summation, I invite you to read my account entitled "Sherlock Holmes, Master of Espionage" that appeared on pages 21-8 in The Whitechapel Gazette, issue No. 4, Mid-1994. A review of publication dates reveals that "The Greek Interpreter" was the first in a series of accounts (published in September 1893) involving Mr. Sherlock Holmes as an agent of the British government. To further obfuscate the record, and to show that Mr. Holmes' involvement with the government was merely in his capacity as a detective, "The Naval Treaty" was published the very next month. It was not until December 1904 when, in "The Adventure of the Empty House," it was obliquely admitted that Mr. Holmes performed some diplomatic services for his government. Can there be any question that these were also really espionage missions? It even brings into question the identity of Prof. Moriarty and the true reason for his being killed. Was he really a criminal gang leader, or was he a foreign agent lured to his assassination by Mr. Sherlock Holmes, a baritsu-trained hit man? My lips are sealed on this subject, and it is not relevant to the discussion at hand. Then, as leaked reports concerning Mr. Holmes spy activities began to surface again in 1908, "The Adventure of the Bruce-Partington Plans" was published to again to confuse the perceptions of the enemies of the British state regarding Mr. Holmes' connection with the British Secret Service and his contact "M." Finally, the true story was revealed in 1917 with the publication of "His Last Bow." By that time, Mr. Sherlock Holmes and Mr. Mycroft Holmes had no further involvement with the espionage system, and there was no longer any need to hide their long term dangerous association with their government. Younger men and women had now picked up the gauntlet, and the old order could now retire to contemplate, in secret, the many services that they had rendered to protect their island from nefarious foes, and to keep bees.

So let us raise a glass of ouzo to the brave British agents Messrs. Kratides and Melas and Ms. Sophy Kratides for their brave, unselfish, and until now, unheralded actions on behalf of the British government in September of 1888.

I wish that I were able to circulate the secret records that support my true account of this incident, but I am sworn on my oath as a microbiologist not to reveal them. I know that my position will be challenged by Sherlockian scholars, but the truth will win regardless of the available evidence.

Best canonical regards,